Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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