Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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