And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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