My Higher Power is John Stamos
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
