Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
