we're blogging at a bar
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
