this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
