my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
