we have pet lesbian snakes
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize