whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
