When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
