You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
