The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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