What did we do last night that was yellow?
I cut my penus on the lid.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
