i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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