i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
