I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
