New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
