I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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