I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
