Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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