i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
