You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
