and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
