Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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