Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
