Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My liver just had a heart attack.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
