Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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