i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
