I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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