Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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