it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
