thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
