im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
