Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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