I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
