i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
