I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
