Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
