what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
