would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
