he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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