Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
