I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
