she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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