walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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