i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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