You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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