It's Friday. Sex?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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