youre lurking in front of me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize