There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
