Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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