I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize