im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
