If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im six kinds of drunk right now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
