I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
