I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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