im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
