I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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