I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
