seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
