6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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