it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
