I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
