oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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