I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
