Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
