You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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